3:43 am

It has been 2 months since I've had the time to sit here outside of my home in Moacha's World and get this out of my head. This is actually my favorite thing to do and I've let it go. Like so many things in my life lately, I've let things go that I truly love and enjoy doing. Funny thing is, I tell everyone around me to make sure that they're balancing. Balancing the things that they love and the things that have to be done to survive. Golden has had so many life changing things happen over the last couple of months that she has forgotten to balance.

Someone asked me the other day if I had a boyfriend. I answered like I normally do, but on the inside I was like, "I want a boyfriend". I want a companion. Someone to talk to and connect with on a variety of levels. A companion to hang out with, laugh with, explore this world with, talk business, you know just connect. I have my sisters. My family. Friends. I just want more. When I landed in this world several months ago (now), I knew I wanted a different path for myself than what I had in the last place that I was in. Before I was a model and solely focused on that direction. But, when I picked up and moved full-time here I knew I wanted to have a family. I wanted to be part of a family. I wanted to have children. I wanted to be married. Not just for the sake of being married, but married to my best friend. My virtual soul partner. The one who sees me and loves me still. That alone is rare and I'm realizing more and more as my days increase in this world that not only is it rare, but it is needed. This world, any world for that matter, is not meant to be walked alone. We were not created to be alone. We were created to be with others. To experience love with others.

I think I will start responding differently when people ask me about my relationship status. I need to be more aligned with how I truly feel and not just how my shell feels. it is a struggle though tbh...on how much to truly expose to others. But, I'll save that for another post (wink). For now, let me practice balancing...balancing how the inside of Moacha feels with how Golden truly feels. 💌